She shouldn't have had to apologize because she shouldn't have allowed that to happen in the first place.
( his voice raises some at that, bruce not even realizing it is, and he glances off to the fireplace there. jaw tight. carton in his hand forgotten before he just goes and sets it down. he paces. just a few steps. mind racing with trying to process all of this as quickly as he can. )
What kind of a woman is she to let that happen to her son?
( the annoyanceβ the disgust he feels for someone he shares a child with... )
( kent's suggestion of telling bruce rather than letting it come out mid-mission was right. damian starts counting through a list of every occurrence that has broken bruce that may come up from himself or the others, if this place decides to start using their past traumas against them. he'll have to go over them one by one. at least while bruce is pacing, damian can start categorizing them by most likely to cause this kind of reaction, and least likely. )
My grandfather has led the League of Assassins for hundreds of years, and Mother has often felt conflicted between her feelings for Father and her loyalty to her lineage. Had I been in her position, without the time I spent with Father and Grayson, I could not say I wouldn't do the same. I was perfectly positioned to cause extensive damage to Father, and I betrayed the al Ghuls. I was disowned, disinherited, a black mark to their bloodline.
( the reply comes in the form of a snap. the irritation he feels practically palpable with the way it hangs heavy there between them.
another bit of pacing. another moment of trying to wrap his head around it. the expression he wears one that's in disbelief. )
No decent mother would let her son be killed.
( maybe it's not his place to say such things about damian's mother. but there is no reasoning in the world that could make him believe it to be any less revolting of a thingβ of a mother to let happen to her son.
his parents. his son. maybe alfred. is every single person he cares aboutβ every single person who is family to him meant to die and he to live? )
She died just after I did, and remained so long after I had come back.
( his voice is carefully even, weathering the storm of bruce's emotions even if damian's face stays twisted in that same irritated scowl. even after talia had come back, she had been dead as far as damian was concerned. it wasn't until after she had worked alongside him and father to get back into his good graces that he had allowed her presence in his life again. but bruce isn't going to be ready to hear anything else about her for a while, and damian is well aware of that. )
And regardless of your feelings on the matter, she is still my mother. I would not have lived at all without her.
( no. she doesn't sound like a mother he would want for his son. damian deserves better than that. he's seen the way he's panicked in that pool of green. held him close as a means to keep him safe from, what he now assumes, the trauma of his death. a death he should have never had to begin with. from the sounds of it, he was nothing more than a weapon to her and her league and damian deserves so much more than to be seen or treated as that.
the anger he feels within him at such a thought boils there in blue eyes. his own childhood had been ripped from him. he doesn't want that for his son. )
She treated you like a weapon. Raised you to be that. Then saw to get rid of you when you were no longer needed. I can't accept that for you.
( he may not be wearing his uniform, but bruce has seen it. he knows damian is robin. that he's strong, capable, that he doesn't cower when faced with opponents three times his size, because damian is plenty capable of handling them himself. there's nothing he can do to lessen the turmoil bruce is going through, so damian opts - to not try. not now. )
It doesn't matter what you can or can't accept. I exist as I am. You can't change that.
( try harder to prevent damian's existence back home, possibly, but it doesn't have anything to do with damian as he is. he pushes off the wall where he had been resting, and starts towards his father. ) I am an al Ghul and a Wayne.
( damian comes towards him and bruce stiffens some, unaware he does. everything here has been so much for him to swallow but he's had to. left with little choice. the more he learns, the more he doesn't know how to feel and in the time he's been here β in the time he's come to be with a son he never even knew he would have at some point, somewhere... he finds himself caring for damian's well-being. little by little. being used to having him around. dreading the thought of anything happening to him... of having to be pitted against him. )
I would never want this for you. You deserve better.
( he deserves it. he's vengeance. he deserves everything that comes with being that. not his son. )
( bruce stiffens, and damian stops where he's standing. doesn't come a step closer. )
I know.
( it's softer. he knows that this isn't the life bruce would have wanted for damian. that if he had gotten ahold of damian as an infant - well. he doubts bruce would have known what to do with him, damian would have gotten in the way of being batman, but he would've figured out something for him. he wouldn't have let damian be raised as an assassin, a fighter, anything like he is. he'd raised sidekicks, but taking in a child who had watched his parents die to give him something else is far different than being given an infant who shares his blood. damian would have fought it every inch of the way because he was born to be more. but it doesn't change what bruce would have wanted for him, if he had the option. )
But I am. . . happy, as I am. I have Pennyworth, and Father, brothers a sister, Goliath, Titus, Ace, Batcow, and Alfred the Cat. I have friends whose companionship I treasure. I was given the choice to choose my path, and I chose Robin. It's my life, and while there are many things I've done that I regret, I would not ask to change it. Wishing I could have been raised differently is not why I brought it up to you.
( he doesn't know what to do here. what the right thing to say is. all he knows is that his son is brought into the world to be a weapon, first and foremost, and there had been nothing he could have done to prevent it, apparently. he didn't know, according to damian. he feels both responsible and irresponsible now. it doesn't matter whether or not he would have ever wanted a child. if he ever would have thought it possible in the life he's beginning to make for himself now. just the thought alone has him feel a plethora of things.
his gaze drops. thoughts still racing. eyes falling shut as a means to try and steel himself there in the moment. )
( he could give bruce a few more moments to process this. but damian prefers ripping off the bandaid, and bruce will want time on his own to process everything later, where damian won't be able to watch him break down. )
Jason Todd was Father's second Robin. The first son he'd formally adopted. Joker got ahold of him when he was fifteen and beat him half to death with a crowbar before using explosives to destroy the warehouse with Todd still inside of it. He came back some time later, but his death had severely negatively impacted him. It destroyed Father. I am assuming it's why he hasn't spoken to you despite having arrived when the rest of us had. His ideals do not match Father's, and they quarrel frequently.
( damian speaks again and bruce listens. he doesn't want to. but he does. because he always does. jason he only knows in name and the sketch damian had done for him. but joker... joker is someone he knows both in name and from personal experience. locked within arkham now. unaware of the years their relationship will last between them. hearing that he had managed to kill a childβ someone he took under his care and alongside him... bruce opens his eyes. stunned. confused. horrified. so many other things swimming to the surface all demanding to be felt.
when he speaks, finally, it's strained. as if it's taking every. single. part of him. to keep from shattering the control he's so tightly holding to. )
Do you want to hear it now, from me? Or would you prefer to have it thrown at you during a mission? Or have Todd tell you about how another version of you had failed him so horribly - not by not being able to save him, but because Joker has continued to terrorize all of us to this day because you refuse to kill him?
( jason's story isn't damian's to tell. but bruce is damian's to protect, and he fully intends on keeping him from breaking down when he can't afford it. even if it means being the one to deliver news to him that he would rather not hear. )
( he tried. really, he did. but that vice grip on the control he's so desperately trying to maintain... shatters. )
I don't want to hear any of it.
( it's more a growl. eyes sharp in the way they stare down damian. as if batman himself were standing there in place of bruce suddenly. or maybe he's been there all along. bruce wayne died in crime alley along with his parents after all. )
( bruce snaps, but damian doesn't. damian's gaze is steady as he keeps his eyes on the man who isn't his father, but is. hears the change of his voice, sees the shift. he may be thirteen, but he hasn't been a child in - a long time, if ever. bruce's temper doesn't phase him. not when it's directed like this.
because it isn't damian he's losing control at. it's himself.
his voice stays soft. damian doesn't move towards bruce, or away from him. he could leave, will the moment bruce tells him he's done having this conversation with him, but damian isn't going to step away until he's told to. he knows firsthand how powerful of an emotion grief is, and he won't leave bruce to handle it alone if he can help it. )
( he's learned to accept damian, but that is different. talia hadn't shown up to london with damian in tow, introduced him to bruce as his son, and left them to figure out what that meant together. he's met both richard graysons, but he wasn't there when his parents fell with no net to catch them, leaving corpses in place of loving parents. jason todd hasn't stolen the tires off his batmobile and given batman a run for his money at eleven years old. )
And they are not your burdens. Just like my existence isn't. But you still care. And if you found out mid-mission, this is the reaction you would be fighting. I'm sure you would prefer to avoid that if possible.
You're not doing me any favors. You're just pissing me off.
( he moves then. past damian. out of the study. snatches his utility belt off the table pushed to the side and makes his way for the elevator to go down. to suit up. to leave. in his batmobile. )
( and there he is, storming off to be upset where damian can't see it.
good to know he can still predict bruce easily. there's no point in stopping him, he needs breathing room. to cope, to figure out how he wants to handle complex emotional responses to events he doesn't have any responsibility for. those were the big two; damian could think of a few other events that would cause bruce to struggle, but it was todd's death that was a big turning point for him, and damian's death that caused another upheaval.
they don't need to cover anything else. damian can wait for bruce to let himself out, then walk back across etraya to the manor. he's done enough damage for the night. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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( his voice raises some at that, bruce not even realizing it is, and he glances off to the fireplace there. jaw tight. carton in his hand forgotten before he just goes and sets it down. he paces. just a few steps. mind racing with trying to process all of this as quickly as he can. )
What kind of a woman is she to let that happen to her son?
( the annoyanceβ the disgust he feels for someone he shares a child with... )
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My grandfather has led the League of Assassins for hundreds of years, and Mother has often felt conflicted between her feelings for Father and her loyalty to her lineage. Had I been in her position, without the time I spent with Father and Grayson, I could not say I wouldn't do the same. I was perfectly positioned to cause extensive damage to Father, and I betrayed the al Ghuls. I was disowned, disinherited, a black mark to their bloodline.
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( the reply comes in the form of a snap. the irritation he feels practically palpable with the way it hangs heavy there between them.
another bit of pacing. another moment of trying to wrap his head around it. the expression he wears one that's in disbelief. )
No decent mother would let her son be killed.
( maybe it's not his place to say such things about damian's mother. but there is no reasoning in the world that could make him believe it to be any less revolting of a thingβ of a mother to let happen to her son.
his parents. his son. maybe alfred. is every single person he cares aboutβ every single person who is family to him meant to die and he to live? )
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( his voice is carefully even, weathering the storm of bruce's emotions even if damian's face stays twisted in that same irritated scowl. even after talia had come back, she had been dead as far as damian was concerned. it wasn't until after she had worked alongside him and father to get back into his good graces that he had allowed her presence in his life again. but bruce isn't going to be ready to hear anything else about her for a while, and damian is well aware of that. )
And regardless of your feelings on the matter, she is still my mother. I would not have lived at all without her.
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the anger he feels within him at such a thought boils there in blue eyes. his own childhood had been ripped from him. he doesn't want that for his son. )
She treated you like a weapon. Raised you to be that. Then saw to get rid of you when you were no longer needed. I can't accept that for you.
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( he may not be wearing his uniform, but bruce has seen it. he knows damian is robin. that he's strong, capable, that he doesn't cower when faced with opponents three times his size, because damian is plenty capable of handling them himself. there's nothing he can do to lessen the turmoil bruce is going through, so damian opts - to not try. not now. )
It doesn't matter what you can or can't accept. I exist as I am. You can't change that.
( try harder to prevent damian's existence back home, possibly, but it doesn't have anything to do with damian as he is. he pushes off the wall where he had been resting, and starts towards his father. ) I am an al Ghul and a Wayne.
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I would never want this for you. You deserve better.
( he deserves it. he's vengeance. he deserves everything that comes with being that. not his son. )
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I know.
( it's softer. he knows that this isn't the life bruce would have wanted for damian. that if he had gotten ahold of damian as an infant - well. he doubts bruce would have known what to do with him, damian would have gotten in the way of being batman, but he would've figured out something for him. he wouldn't have let damian be raised as an assassin, a fighter, anything like he is. he'd raised sidekicks, but taking in a child who had watched his parents die to give him something else is far different than being given an infant who shares his blood. damian would have fought it every inch of the way because he was born to be more. but it doesn't change what bruce would have wanted for him, if he had the option. )
But I am. . . happy, as I am. I have Pennyworth, and Father, brothers a sister, Goliath, Titus, Ace, Batcow, and Alfred the Cat. I have friends whose companionship I treasure. I was given the choice to choose my path, and I chose Robin. It's my life, and while there are many things I've done that I regret, I would not ask to change it. Wishing I could have been raised differently is not why I brought it up to you.
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his gaze drops. thoughts still racing. eyes falling shut as a means to try and steel himself there in the moment. )
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Jason Todd was Father's second Robin. The first son he'd formally adopted. Joker got ahold of him when he was fifteen and beat him half to death with a crowbar before using explosives to destroy the warehouse with Todd still inside of it. He came back some time later, but his death had severely negatively impacted him. It destroyed Father. I am assuming it's why he hasn't spoken to you despite having arrived when the rest of us had. His ideals do not match Father's, and they quarrel frequently.
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when he speaks, finally, it's strained. as if it's taking every. single. part of him. to keep from shattering the control he's so tightly holding to. )
Why are you telling me this?
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( jason's story isn't damian's to tell. but bruce is damian's to protect, and he fully intends on keeping him from breaking down when he can't afford it. even if it means being the one to deliver news to him that he would rather not hear. )
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I don't want to hear any of it.
( it's more a growl. eyes sharp in the way they stare down damian. as if batman himself were standing there in place of bruce suddenly. or maybe he's been there all along. bruce wayne died in crime alley along with his parents after all. )
None of that is my life. It's his.
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because it isn't damian he's losing control at. it's himself.
his voice stays soft. damian doesn't move towards bruce, or away from him. he could leave, will the moment bruce tells him he's done having this conversation with him, but damian isn't going to step away until he's told to. he knows firsthand how powerful of an emotion grief is, and he won't leave bruce to handle it alone if he can help it. )
It's his life, but it hurts you.
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( the others, he mostly means. damian is different. obviously. they both know that. )
And I'm not here to carry whatever burdens he has. I have enough of my own.
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( he's learned to accept damian, but that is different. talia hadn't shown up to london with damian in tow, introduced him to bruce as his son, and left them to figure out what that meant together. he's met both richard graysons, but he wasn't there when his parents fell with no net to catch them, leaving corpses in place of loving parents. jason todd hasn't stolen the tires off his batmobile and given batman a run for his money at eleven years old. )
And they are not your burdens. Just like my existence isn't. But you still care. And if you found out mid-mission, this is the reaction you would be fighting. I'm sure you would prefer to avoid that if possible.
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( he moves then. past damian. out of the study. snatches his utility belt off the table pushed to the side and makes his way for the elevator to go down. to suit up. to leave. in his batmobile. )
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good to know he can still predict bruce easily. there's no point in stopping him, he needs breathing room. to cope, to figure out how he wants to handle complex emotional responses to events he doesn't have any responsibility for. those were the big two; damian could think of a few other events that would cause bruce to struggle, but it was todd's death that was a big turning point for him, and damian's death that caused another upheaval.
they don't need to cover anything else. damian can wait for bruce to let himself out, then walk back across etraya to the manor. he's done enough damage for the night. )